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robert downey jr. might be cooler than david bowie and lou reed put together and multiplied by a shit load

Is Robert Downey Jr. the coolest or what.

That is not a question.  It is like, a rhetorical statement or whatever.  i liked The Dark Knight.  It was fucking sicko-micko.  But this is the best fucking sort of honesty imaginable.  I like it when people intelligently backhand intellectualism.  This is why I'm voting for him and not the old guy or the black guy or the other guy for president.

Jr. is a lot like Christian Bale - and hopefully we are seeing the emergence of a trend here, but I doubt it - in that they are so cool and so talented and so badass and attractive that even if the public disagrees with their actions,  they'll still forgive them.

Like Bale punching his mother in the dick.  What happened with that?  Usually people are against hitting women, but I think they love him so much that it would crush them to think that were true...  Actually, I think they believe it is true, but kind of just trust his judgment...

PRESS: Christian Bale punched his mother in the dick.

PUBLIC: Really... well... I'm sure he had a good reason for it... What was she wearing?

Moving on, here is Jr.'s opinion of The Dark Knight:

"Didn't get it," he said, "still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high brow and so fucking smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie.' You know what? Fuck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from."

"My whole thing is that that I saw The Dark Knight. I feel like I'm dumb because I feel like I don't get how many things that are so smart. It's like a Ferrari engine of storytelling and script writing and I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved The Prestige but didn't understand The Dark Knight."

And don't bother warning him about possible reprisals for such loose talk. "You know, you're never too old to burn your bridges because I believe I have offended everyone. I think I've got a couple more. 'I'll burn that bridge when I come to it' is my favourite phrase I've ever coined."

wet hot american summer at McCarren Pool - sweet

It was all very hip. Every Tuesday over the summer, McCarren Pool hosts a very large, and very hip screening of a movie. last night was Wet Hot American Summer, which is pretty much everyones favorite movie ever in the world...

Moving on, it was introduced by Michael Showalter... but then, Paul Rudd and Joe Latruglio (spelled wrong) came up as well. I think Joe always fucking slays major ass when he has a role in a movie, even though it is usually small. He steals Superbad away from Michael Cera, Which is quite an accomplishment.

Chicks dig Paul Rudd. And what's not to dig. He is like, an everyman, or whatever... but he is also better looking than an everyman...

But not really.

He is an everyman that other real men can aspire to be because, I suppose he isn't profoundly good looking. But also, he is profoundly good looking because he is good looking enough, plus he is very funny. Too funny to be good looking...

You see where I'm going with this?

No?

Fuck you then.

Anyhow, he got a standing ovation (twice).

PICTURE DESCRIPTIONS:

They served beer there. Carina was there as well, she loaned me money because I refuse to satisfy the whims of my bank by paying a service charge at an automated teller. There was a chick in a yellow shirt sitting in front of me who's arm bent like, backward over itself in a weird way. There was a long line for beer tickets which we waited in until we realized it was actually the line for mexican food...

Then we went and got beer tickets, which is bullshit because you have to buy tickets and then go to a separate line two feet away to get the beer. I guess it has something to do with the laws regarding serving alcohol, so like, you aren't technically buying beer...

Loopholes are such bullshit.

So yeah, there's pictures of the line as well as of Carina giving Paul Rudd his standing ovation.

Way to go.

Next Tuesday is Virgin Suicides

wall-e (things) to watch out for

Another note on Wall-E:

Just to make this absolutely clear. Wall-E is a very hip selection not just for children (who are stupid and don't know any better), but for grown-ups (like me). How do I know? Good question asshole (not really). No, seriously, because I went to a midnight show, and while there was indeed one child there (a retard... literally) it was otherwise chock-full of adults.

Now, it's important to mention that, unlike other Disney movies that are great for adults, Wall-E does not carry on the long and much loved tradition of splicing single frames of pornography into their films (BOO!), they do however contain adult stuff; most notably the use of the movie Hello, Dolly.

I must warn you though, when you go to see this movie (which you almost certainly will), and you see that there are indeed a shitload of adults there, it is almost certain that 25% of these adults will be some sort of film/comic/animation geek who's dick will seem so apt for the punching.

WARNING: It is illegal to punch dicks in public without a permit.

You will hear them say things like, "I dunno... it was preeeeeetty good but um... there were some parts in the middle that just felt muddled. Ya know? And I thought the animation was overly complex. It distracted from the story."

Rest assured that these people are assholes, and are the equivalent of the upper middle-class white kids who majored in something along the lines of music appreciation in college and who now live next door to me in Williamsburg Brooklyn and go to lengths explaining how, contrary to popular opinion, the Beatles are actually a very shitty and unoriginal and completely non-influential band.

They will probably also look like this asshole who is taking a photo of himself modeling a scarf in a public bathroom, and who later posted said photo on the internet (which internet? all of them):

All of this Beatles/Wall-E talk is, of course, untrue, but rich white young people love to pretend to hate anything that is culturally significant to the mass public. In this way they are able to relate to the truly marginalized segments of society. It also makes them appear to be smart.

They are, of course, correct in this assumption... and really, I am in the same boat in many ways, which is why I support the war in the middle east and NOT the troops, and I am also looking into the idea being a holocaust denier.

So yes. Wall-E is the computer animated equivalent of The Beatles...so in other words, the terrorists have truly won.

wall-e bitchslaps jack black in the dick

Wall*E is pretty much the greatest movie I've ever seen. It's sort of fucked that it was even made because of its overwhelming darkness. The fact that said darkness is actually perfect for children is evidence of its brilliance. It portrays the future as a place where earth is covered with Costco garbage, plagued by poisonous gas storms, and inhabited only by Johnny 5 from Short Circuit and his best friend, a cockroach from Joe's Apartment, whilst humans have evolved into morbidly obese people with no bones who watch tv in hover chairs and drink cupcake milkshakes on a space ship all day. Added to this is the fact that for over half the film there is absolutely no dialogue but for robot beeps or whatever only makes this seem more of a batshit crazy endeavor on the part of Disney. So that all of this comes off as endearing and completely suitable for children is pretty fucking amazing. There are no celebrity voices but for Jeff Garlin (yes, Jeff Garlin) which I see as Pixar pretty much delivering a proverbial bitch slap to Dreamworks and a bitch slap to the dick of Kung Fu Panda.

This makes that movie Fern Gully look like a journey into the mind of a lazy pedophile, and that movie Kung Fu Panda look like a journey into the mind of a lazy pedophile who likes Kung Fu and celebrity voices.