your enemies friend

Best. Video. Ever.

This video is so fucking sick, it is... sick.

It should be known that, to the surprise of no one, the man featured in this video was pulled in for a DUI and awaiting a breathalyzer. It's only my opinion but I'd say a breathalyzer is pretty much a moot point after you put your head through a wall whilst attempting to remove your license (Like, literally. THROUGH a wall).

Well, I guess that's arguable, but I'd say it is definitely definitely definitely moot after you stumble like 10 feet before again running head first into yet another wall.

Also - and I know this is difficult to see the first time [I didn't notice it till my third viewing] but - check out homeboy's ass hanging out a good four inches as he makes his first impact.

armegeddon is at hand

You're probably asking yourself exactly what I asked myself ten minutes ago; Sweet fucking shit Christ, what in the living hell is that?

It's a monkey-pig.  And it's going to give me nightmares for weeks.

This horrific devil spawn was born in China recently, presumably after a monkey fucked a farmer named Feng Changlin's prized hog. 

"It’s hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!" Feng told Oriental Today.

That is a fair explanation. 

Moving on, what is up with monkeys?  Actually, the better question is what kind of backwater town is infested with these fuck-crazy monkeys who can't keep their collective dick in their collective pants?  If I was one of Feng's children, I'd be less concerned with The mutant from The Fly 2 that was rustling around out back, and more worried about the rapist monkeys creeping through my window and impregnating me.

I didn't even know this was possible.  I thought animals - except on rare occasions - could not mate.  Can they mate now?  Have they always been able to?  If so, why the hell aren't we cross breeding dogs and cats?  I'd like to see a koala and horse make babies.  Can you imagine?  They'd have pouches and claws and instead of carrots, the horses would eat bamboo and bite people all day.